Can I be real with you for a moment? Completely honest and transparent? Locally there has come to light a particularly scandalous matter, even in this day and age. I see people posting about this. People who have cursory interactions and relationships with those involved. This event has been the talk of the town, the rumor mill and peanut gallery churning out misinformation and gossip. Almost as if the suffering of others only adds to the delight of the rumor mill. I can almost see their eyes glistening with the revelation of more supposed details, each more forbidden than the last, their palettes for drama slobbering over the dying carcasses of families once vibrant with life, their almost zeal at watching the death throes of important relationships.
The details are not important. It’s not my point. Has it ever occurred to anyone that we are taking about people? Actual people? Real relationships? And if you are so inclined to pass condemnation or pick a side, what of the families involved? Let’s say 4 people all make a decision, albeit an absurdly illogical and morally corrupt one. Would anyone ever think that those would be the only 4 people who would be affected by that decision? Of course not! Perhaps the 4 never thought through the consequences of their decision or maybe they minimized it. That absolves no one from guilt. But the families who did not make the choice, who were unaware, they do not deserve the prying eye of the public dissecting every movement and questioning what it all may mean. They deserve to be shielded from the scrutiny and judgment of strangers. They deserve privacy to handle their private matters. They deserve dignity.
But let me go on the record and say this unequivocally: no matter how another has sinned against you, you are not less. You are not less valuable. You are not less worthy of love. You are not less of a person. You are not less attractive. You are not less than any other. Your worth is not determined by any other human being. You hold intrinsic value. Value that cannot be counted nor compared. Because you are you. And the most amazing thing about you is that no one else is you. That is your strength. I, for one, will not be weighing in on what any party involved should do. My opinion matters diddly squat. As does everyone else’s. But please, friends, some things are just not for public consumption. And this happens to be one of those things.
Friday, October 13, 2017
It’s been so long since I have published a blog post. I’ve been journaling and working through so many things. Maybe you already know but my then 15 year old son Miles was tragically killed in a car accident on November 16, 2015. It’s been almost 2 years already. I’ve used Facebook as a platform into my heart, the heart of a mother who lost a child. In real time. I was honest and transparent. At least as much as I could be while still keeping private things private and honoring my husband’s and son’s privacy. My goal was to let the world in just a bit to understand what someone may feel during such a trying time. Because I thought if people knew how it really was then they could be better friends, better support, be more effective. But now I believe it’s time to begin writing here. I will begin by posting a Facebook status of mine from earlier this week because that is still on my heart and rattling around in my brain. Until next time, my friends...
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Hope...Is there any left?
Last night was a drawing for the largest lottery jackpot in American history. I watched the news reports that showed people lined up around the corner, just to spend money for the chance that they would be chosen. Isn't that how we are? We want to, desire to be, chosen. To be special. To be some sort of elite. Its ingrained in our hearts and there's nothing we can do about it. But more so, there was a shot at hope. Never mind the chance of being chosen was 176,000,000. Its ironic that there was such a desperation for hope that people stopped considering the odds were exponentially growing out of their favor with each new ticket being purchased.
It was laid on my heart that this is indeed a broken and desperate world. A world where it is viewed that the only hope left is money. I sat back confident that the Slays were not going to win the lottery but realizing that I was already lucky; I already had more than enough. Not just enough food, water, shelter. Though what I have is humble by American standards, its more than most of the world could ever dream of! But I have Jesus and therefore I have hope. A hope for goodness and mercy. A hope for justice and righteousness. A hope for an intercessor to plead my case before the throne of the Creator Himself.
Money can't buy happiness but Hope can give you peace. And so I sit today in my humble surroundings ever more thankful because I have Hope and I was chosen. Don't get me wrong; money helps solve a lot of problems and a good steward could do a lot of good in this world. But not necessarily the kind of good that this world needs. This world needs truth; the absolute truth that doesn't leave us wobbling on a fine line between our own limited human understanding and the feeling that there's something more, something we aren't "getting." This world needs a Savior. Someone to be a father to the fatherless, a husband to the widow, a comfort to the brokenhearted. That's what I have and it's my prayer that everyone would receive such a Hope.
As for the lottery: I think I'll leave that to everyone else. My odds seem to be much better in the Throne Room than at the lottery.
It was laid on my heart that this is indeed a broken and desperate world. A world where it is viewed that the only hope left is money. I sat back confident that the Slays were not going to win the lottery but realizing that I was already lucky; I already had more than enough. Not just enough food, water, shelter. Though what I have is humble by American standards, its more than most of the world could ever dream of! But I have Jesus and therefore I have hope. A hope for goodness and mercy. A hope for justice and righteousness. A hope for an intercessor to plead my case before the throne of the Creator Himself.
Money can't buy happiness but Hope can give you peace. And so I sit today in my humble surroundings ever more thankful because I have Hope and I was chosen. Don't get me wrong; money helps solve a lot of problems and a good steward could do a lot of good in this world. But not necessarily the kind of good that this world needs. This world needs truth; the absolute truth that doesn't leave us wobbling on a fine line between our own limited human understanding and the feeling that there's something more, something we aren't "getting." This world needs a Savior. Someone to be a father to the fatherless, a husband to the widow, a comfort to the brokenhearted. That's what I have and it's my prayer that everyone would receive such a Hope.
As for the lottery: I think I'll leave that to everyone else. My odds seem to be much better in the Throne Room than at the lottery.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
A Higher Calling
Today while I was listening to music and praying, I heard a firm word from God. Calling me to lay down my differences with others. Telling me to surrender to Him. I cannot call Him my Lord if I don't listen and don't obey. I was thinking about the church, the bride of Christ, today. We are all divided. Some believe in speaking in tongues while some believe that this is an antiquated practice. Some believe abstinence from alcohol is commanded in the Bible, while others believe its a personal conviction. The way I see it, so many times we think that since we disagree on something, we cannot agree on anything. And this is sad and untrue. We have allowed our already divided hearts to now divide the family of God.
For me, this word was heard loud and clear. It's my calling to live a higher standard. Its not for me to judge nor condemn. Its not for me to fight battles that I was not called to engage in. And if I am surrendered to Christ, its hypocritical to ignore His calling. So, for me, I will be laying aside my differences with others. I will be surrendering to my Lord. I will enter each moment and each activity not thinking of what it means to me, but to surrender my thoughts and my words to Christ. To allow the glory of the Father and the love of Christ to flow through me and outward. That's my calling. Its what I am chosen to do. To do the will of the Father is to my delight.
That's a high standard. And there is no doubt in my mind that it is actually an impossible task. But if I was called to this, then God will equip me. My job is to surrender. The rest is up to Him and He isn't known for missing an appointment.
For me, this word was heard loud and clear. It's my calling to live a higher standard. Its not for me to judge nor condemn. Its not for me to fight battles that I was not called to engage in. And if I am surrendered to Christ, its hypocritical to ignore His calling. So, for me, I will be laying aside my differences with others. I will be surrendering to my Lord. I will enter each moment and each activity not thinking of what it means to me, but to surrender my thoughts and my words to Christ. To allow the glory of the Father and the love of Christ to flow through me and outward. That's my calling. Its what I am chosen to do. To do the will of the Father is to my delight.
That's a high standard. And there is no doubt in my mind that it is actually an impossible task. But if I was called to this, then God will equip me. My job is to surrender. The rest is up to Him and He isn't known for missing an appointment.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Nursing a Broken Heart
I haven't blogged in quite awhile. My intentions were good. I started off with gusto...okay, so maybe I did with the first post and it was all downhill from there. At any rate, I am here now. With a broken heart. Sometimes it is difficult to know how much to share in with others and how much is meant for your God and you. But I have been struggling the last few months with a close friend. She likes to put out fires. That's a wonderful quality. I don't have it. If you are in a constant state of drama, I am not your girl to call for reinforcement. But she is. Admirable quality. It really is. But to me it seems that unless you have a fire that needs to be put out, she is MIA. And that hurts. I want her to know that while these other people may want something from her, some action, some soothing, ear pleasing words, I don't. I don't need her to validate me. I don't need her to motivate me. I don't need advice on how to live my life...mostly. I just want a bit of her time. I just want to share some time and some laughs with her. I am not looking for her to perform. I just want her time. And not even a lot of it. I am not a high maintenance friend. I have been pondering this issue all night. I can't sleep because of it. Which is why I am sitting here with my computer at 4 am. I don't know what to do. I am certainly missing something here. I must be overlooking an important piece of the puzzle because this just doesn't make sense.
Relationships with humans are messy and I am not typically fond of them. My knee jerk reaction is to walk away. Call it quits. Who needs another headache? Another puzzle to figure out? Another mystery to solve? I don't. That's for sure. Are we both so broken that we can't fix this? A simple and honest friendship lies in the balance. How do you know when to fight for something and when you shouldn't? How do you know that you are investing more into the relationship than the other person? And when is that ok? Am I the one who is at fault, to blame? Am I being selfish? Am I expecting things I shouldn't?
In the end, I can only come to this conclusion. I am me. She is herself. Maybe we don't mix, don't mesh. Maybe this wasn't meant to be. Maybe I should cut my losses. Maybe neither of us is broken. Maybe it just isn't in the cards. Perhaps God isn't a part of this relationship and we were just fooling ourselves. I only know that He made me for communion with others, for fellowship. And I know that a part of my heart will shrivel up and die without a close friend, a comrade in arms. But maybe I am barking up the wrong tree. Let's see what tomorrow brings. In the meantime, if you hear of someone who needs a friend, send them my way. I need one, too.
Relationships with humans are messy and I am not typically fond of them. My knee jerk reaction is to walk away. Call it quits. Who needs another headache? Another puzzle to figure out? Another mystery to solve? I don't. That's for sure. Are we both so broken that we can't fix this? A simple and honest friendship lies in the balance. How do you know when to fight for something and when you shouldn't? How do you know that you are investing more into the relationship than the other person? And when is that ok? Am I the one who is at fault, to blame? Am I being selfish? Am I expecting things I shouldn't?
In the end, I can only come to this conclusion. I am me. She is herself. Maybe we don't mix, don't mesh. Maybe this wasn't meant to be. Maybe I should cut my losses. Maybe neither of us is broken. Maybe it just isn't in the cards. Perhaps God isn't a part of this relationship and we were just fooling ourselves. I only know that He made me for communion with others, for fellowship. And I know that a part of my heart will shrivel up and die without a close friend, a comrade in arms. But maybe I am barking up the wrong tree. Let's see what tomorrow brings. In the meantime, if you hear of someone who needs a friend, send them my way. I need one, too.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
New Beginnings
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
If you have spent any time in Sunday school as a child, you have probably heard the story of creation several times. But we overlook an important aspect of God when we skim over the account. God is clearly in control and clearly at work. The earth was formless and empty; it was void, barren and plain. Darkness was obviously a predominate feature. Order had yet to enter into the picture, so I would imagine there was an ample amount of chaos. Yet the glimmering hope is the Holy Spirit hovering over the waters.
How does this apply to you and to me? Aside from the obvious, that we live on earth and benefit directly from God's creation. Nowhere in the account of creation will you find that God stopped creating, He stopped working. On the seventh day, God rested and saw that everything He had made was good. In fact, it was very good, indeed! But the entire rest of the Bible is an account of the things that God created or raised up.
Before I was saved, my life could be described using adjectives like formless, empty, void and barren. My heart, the surface of the deep, was most certainly chaotic. But, God filled me with His love, His righteousness and His peace. I am no longer formless, for I am a reflection of God, the Creator. I am no longer empty; His love fills me to overflowing. So full is the love of God that it pours out of my life and into the lives of others. My life was barren and plain; now my life is a beautiful and healthy tree, with roots in Jesus and branches that stretch out to protect my family and fruit that are the good works I produce in love. And none of these things can be described as plain!
God is in the transformation business. He hasn't stopped working in us. God's plan was always for this transformation of our hearts from chaos and darkness to peace and light through Him. This isn't something that we can do for ourselves, nor is it something another human can do for us. It is a private and quite miraculous matter between God and His child. What in your life needs transformation today? Where is the chaos and the darkness? You were not intended to live within that. If it were so, then God would have declared it good. But He didn't. He transformed the earth. Now let Him transform your world.
Holy Father, You are God Most High, Creator of heaven and earth. You alone hold the power to transform my darkness, my emptiness into a reflection of Your goodness. You alone know the depths of my heart, the longings of my soul. Fill me, Lord, with Your goodness, Your peace and deliver me from darkness and emptiness. I come boldly before You because You have promised that You will give what I ask within Your will. I call upon Your name for deliverance. In the loving and powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
If you have spent any time in Sunday school as a child, you have probably heard the story of creation several times. But we overlook an important aspect of God when we skim over the account. God is clearly in control and clearly at work. The earth was formless and empty; it was void, barren and plain. Darkness was obviously a predominate feature. Order had yet to enter into the picture, so I would imagine there was an ample amount of chaos. Yet the glimmering hope is the Holy Spirit hovering over the waters.
How does this apply to you and to me? Aside from the obvious, that we live on earth and benefit directly from God's creation. Nowhere in the account of creation will you find that God stopped creating, He stopped working. On the seventh day, God rested and saw that everything He had made was good. In fact, it was very good, indeed! But the entire rest of the Bible is an account of the things that God created or raised up.
Before I was saved, my life could be described using adjectives like formless, empty, void and barren. My heart, the surface of the deep, was most certainly chaotic. But, God filled me with His love, His righteousness and His peace. I am no longer formless, for I am a reflection of God, the Creator. I am no longer empty; His love fills me to overflowing. So full is the love of God that it pours out of my life and into the lives of others. My life was barren and plain; now my life is a beautiful and healthy tree, with roots in Jesus and branches that stretch out to protect my family and fruit that are the good works I produce in love. And none of these things can be described as plain!
God is in the transformation business. He hasn't stopped working in us. God's plan was always for this transformation of our hearts from chaos and darkness to peace and light through Him. This isn't something that we can do for ourselves, nor is it something another human can do for us. It is a private and quite miraculous matter between God and His child. What in your life needs transformation today? Where is the chaos and the darkness? You were not intended to live within that. If it were so, then God would have declared it good. But He didn't. He transformed the earth. Now let Him transform your world.
Holy Father, You are God Most High, Creator of heaven and earth. You alone hold the power to transform my darkness, my emptiness into a reflection of Your goodness. You alone know the depths of my heart, the longings of my soul. Fill me, Lord, with Your goodness, Your peace and deliver me from darkness and emptiness. I come boldly before You because You have promised that You will give what I ask within Your will. I call upon Your name for deliverance. In the loving and powerful name of Jesus, Amen.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Welcome to My Life!
I am new to blogging, so I appreciate your patience while I figure all of this out. Now that I have put myself on the spot, I don't seem to have as much to say as I thought that I did. So...I will just introduce myself. I am married to a firefighter, Charles. Together we have 2 children: Miles, who is 10 years old, and Cortez, who is 8 years old. We homeschool and are quite involved in our church. But do not fret! We do not belong to some weird religious cult ! Unless you consider Baptists a weird religious cult. And, not to offend anyone who does belong to a religious cult. Seriously, we love God, we follow Jesus and we are proud of it.
I would like to use this blog as a method to reach out to others and get input from them on various topics. Today the topics that weigh heavily on my heart are spirituality, Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis. I have both Fibro and RA. I am looking into some alternative therapies, so if you happen to have an input, please let me know!
I cannot promise to be interesting or entertaining. But I will be honest and transparent. So, for a look into the life of a woman who struggles to follow Christ, in parenting, in going back to school and in marriage, then please grab some popcorn and pull up a seat. :-)
I would like to use this blog as a method to reach out to others and get input from them on various topics. Today the topics that weigh heavily on my heart are spirituality, Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis. I have both Fibro and RA. I am looking into some alternative therapies, so if you happen to have an input, please let me know!
I cannot promise to be interesting or entertaining. But I will be honest and transparent. So, for a look into the life of a woman who struggles to follow Christ, in parenting, in going back to school and in marriage, then please grab some popcorn and pull up a seat. :-)
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